my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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