if i can run in heels then i can drive
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize