my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize