It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
