if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
