Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
