i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
