My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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