Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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