I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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