i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
