Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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