At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
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You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
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When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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