And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
my poor anus
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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