he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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