What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
