So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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