i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
