My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize