i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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