I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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