Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
