One girl and one boy is just not enough.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
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His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
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OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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