I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
