if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
