I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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