OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
