U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
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