i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
