Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
