he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
