Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
