There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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