everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
