Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
this is an emotional support booty call
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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