You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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