my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
nutella sex= disaster
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
