morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
