just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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