I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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