I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
