absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
