Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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