Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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