we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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