I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
