He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
All the doctor said was why
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
