i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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