I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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