I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
