Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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