They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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