I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
