Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's official drugs can't kill me
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
