Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Floor bacon is actually really good
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
