I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
