whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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