I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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