Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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