How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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