you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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