I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize