I need help removing her.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You had me at "let me see your balls"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
