So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
