And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
