with your own penis?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.