whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Why is your signature on my underwear?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
