Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

Favorite
(413): View more from Massachusetts

my phone needs a breathalizer

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(413): my phone needs a breathalizer http://tfl.nu/d0rn

Replies (15) Good night (2413) Bad night (699)
Favorite
(480): View more from Arizona

A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(480): A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card. http://tfl.nu/fah6

Replies (47) Good night (5248) Bad night (1114)
Favorite
(845): View more from New York

just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(845): just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever. http://tfl.nu/d1ay

Replies (21) Good night (8989) Bad night (767)
Favorite
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(412): She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you http://tfl.nu/82k6

Replies (6) Good night (4571) Bad night (1073)
Favorite
(404): View more from Georgia

His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(404): His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me. http://tfl.nu/ej9i

Replies (17) Good night (6718) Bad night (1143)
Favorite
(773): View more from Illinois

The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(773): The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing. http://tfl.nu/i0xb

Replies (5) Good night (3072) Bad night (908)
Favorite
(760): View more from California

She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(760): She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome. http://tfl.nu/43xh

Replies (8) Good night (3419) Bad night (1110)
Favorite
(253): View more from Washington

He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(253): He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation". http://tfl.nu/2gnt

Replies (12) Good night (951) Bad night (3083)
Favorite
(619): View more from California

His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(619): His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed http://tfl.nu/18b0

Replies (11) Good night (1446) Bad night (2424)
Favorite
(239): View more from Florida

i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(239): i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose. http://tfl.nu/xxid

Replies (6) Good night (998) Bad night (2710)
Favorite
(516): View more from New York

Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(516): Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper. http://tfl.nu/j9dy

Replies (7) Good night (1727) Bad night (639)
Favorite
(619): View more from California

The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(619): The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer. http://tfl.nu/kgnu

Replies (24) Good night (2018) Bad night (705)
Favorite
(404): View more from Georgia

It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(404): It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff! http://tfl.nu/0n5x

Replies (5) Good night (891) Bad night (423)
Favorite
(203): View more from Connecticut

I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(203): I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me http://tfl.nu/c2wo

Replies (6) Good night (1220) Bad night (446)
Favorite
(602): View more from Arizona

I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(602): I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth http://tfl.nu/mes3

Replies (4) Good night (324) Bad night (559)

Randomize

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Find Us On: