I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.