If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst