We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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