I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
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Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
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He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.