Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that