Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.

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(206): Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too. http://tfl.nu/q39q

Replies (9) Good night (1540) Bad night (526)
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(516): View more from New York

Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg

(410): View more from Maryland

Omg suz!! take the unibrow off

(516): View more from New York

No! im just getting hammered instead

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(516): Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg (410): Omg suz!! take the unibrow off (516): No! im just getting hammered instead http://tfl.nu/mscr

Replies (12) Good night (2653) Bad night (497)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?

(940): View more from Texas

homeless.

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(717): gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy? (940): homeless. http://tfl.nu/iz6y

Replies (17) Good night (4751) Bad night (1049)
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(530): View more from California

just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life

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(530): just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life http://tfl.nu/64wx

Replies (28) Good night (7766) Bad night (684)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.

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(402): Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl. http://tfl.nu/cd5h

Replies (20) Good night (5507) Bad night (741)
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(443): View more from Maryland

you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it

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(443): you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it http://tfl.nu/4e12

Replies (9) Good night (1135) Bad night (4146)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.

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(403): we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now. http://tfl.nu/goi4

Replies (16) Good night (5739) Bad night (987)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".

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(724): He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming". http://tfl.nu/90md

Replies (4) Good night (1829) Bad night (936)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?

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(203): Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight? http://tfl.nu/h4cr

Replies (8) Good night (1511) Bad night (566)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s

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(402): Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s http://tfl.nu/nt41

Replies (5) Good night (1924) Bad night (623)
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(856): View more from New Jersey

and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her

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(856): and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her http://tfl.nu/d5zb

Replies (2) Good night (1626) Bad night (523)
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(905): View more from Ontario

they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"

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(905): they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about" http://tfl.nu/sw9a

Replies (8) Good night (1630) Bad night (622)
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(303): View more from Colorado

She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.

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(303): She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her. http://tfl.nu/lf23

Replies (4) Good night (1332) Bad night (447)
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(925): View more from California

I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.

(415): View more from California

I still don't know how you've lived this long.

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(925): I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time. (415): I still don't know how you've lived this long. http://tfl.nu/6ttn

Replies (5) Good night (1058) Bad night (424)
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(985): View more from Louisiana

Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.

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(985): Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods. http://tfl.nu/ey1m

Replies (4) Good night (834) Bad night (218)

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