My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
