also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
