Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
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Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
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I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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