According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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