If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
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Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
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Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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