i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize