my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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