the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
